Pearl

She is a pyramid
But with him she's just a grain of sand
This love's too strong like my cement
Squeezing out the life that should be let in

She was a hurricane
But now she's just a gust of wind
She used to set the sails of a thousand ships
Was a force to be reckoned with

She could be a Statue of Liberty
She could be a Joan of Arc
But he's scared of the light that's inside of her
So he keeps her in the dark

Oh, she used to be a pearl, oh
Yeah, she used to rule the world, oh
Can't believe, she's become a shell of herself
'Cause she used to be a pearl

She was unstoppable
Move fast just like an avalanche
But now she's stuck deep in cement
Wishing that they never ever met

She could be a Statue of Liberty
She could be a Joan of Arc
But he's scared of the light that's inside of her
So he keeps her in the dark

Oh, she used to be a pearl, oh
Yeah, she used to rule the world, oh
Can't believe, she's become, a shell of herself
'Cause she used to be a

Do you know that there's a way out
There's a way out, there's a way out, there's a way out
You don't have to be held down
Be held down, be held down, be held down

'Cause I used to be a shell
Yeah, I let him rule my world, my world, oh yeah
But I will come and grow strong
And I can still go on, and no one can take my pearl

You don't have to be a shell, no
You're the one that rules your world, oh
You are strong and you'll learn that you can still go on
And you'll always be a, a pearl

She is unstoppable
This is my "anthem" at the moment... after all the shit I've been through, I guess seeing him today made me realize I can really do better and I deserve better... so back on the wagon of finding my soulmate and I'm truely ok with it!

Getting stronger and Weak at the same time is hard!

So it's been almost 4 months since I've been "single" and I must say I still have my day's where I wonder "what if?" .... What if I wouldn't have ended it where would I be right now?! or What if I never found out he cheated on me, would I still be with him? or What if we got married? or What if we had kids?

I get in these moods where it hurts so bad, because I know a part of me will ALWAYS love him. But I know I'm better off without him no matter what! There's someone out there who deserves me just like there's a pice of shit white trash skanky whore who deserves him! I just guess it's back to the whole I'm tired of having to wait ... It gets old real fast! Why can't my "Prince charming" come knocking on my door, my heart is getting very lonely and it hurts!

Got a case of the Love bipolar...

So after taking a step out of my body and actually looking at my life I've realized that I'm only young once, why not live life to the fullest. I'm going to make a ton of mistakes, so why not face the fact now that I'm not perfect! I'm a hopeless romantic Princess who still has hopes there's a prince out there, so I'm going to fall in love over and over again... I just have to learn not to let the heartbreaks get me down! Look on the bright side, there's always another day, and another douchebag to deal with! =) but I've decided that I'm going to be wild and crazy and be young and enjoy it...why not?!

Silly Love songs

So I decided to take a look at what my love horoscope says for the 14th....

"You haven't tortured yourself over that one particular ex in a while, but right now it's weighing heavily on your heart. Don't let it affect your emotional growth -- write them a letter, then burn (or delete) it. Now is the time to say good-bye."

Seriously, Valentines day is the effing stupidest holiday there is!! Hands down!

I'm tired of seeing the flower commercials on tv! It gives false hope that there's a secret admirer out there for everyone! ha it makes me laugh! It's the first "Vday" I've been single in 3 years and well I just don't know how to take it exactly! Should I watch romantic comidies and cry and let it all out or should I watch horror movies and let the anger build up inside me even more!

It's funny when you sit and actually think about the past! Let's see the first Valentines day I had with the man (or should I say boy)  wanted to spend forever with was the best any girl could ask for. The works flowers, candy, a huge "I love you" teddy bear and well Love, lots of sweet wonderful lovee.  The next year well that's when it all went down hill, from the getting accused everyday of cheating to moving in and out every other weekend. You'd think it would all stop for Valentines day, well it didn't it just got worse. That's when the realy abuse started! and why oh why did I stay with an abusive(mentally and physically) alcoholic asshole! Oh yea because I "loved" him or thought I did! Yea real shocker when he cheated on me right after our 2 year anniversary, so I should have been the one accusing!

So I've given my heart to a "boy" who took it, stabbed it with a knife, and broke it into a million pieces. and decided to give it back to me in a box full of old memories!

Will I ever truly be ever to love again? With relationships you need trust and the one person I trusted my most prized possesion(my heart) with did the worst possible thing you could do and that's loose the trust! I know I have issues but because one stupid boy fucked up the trust I gave him I don't know if I can ever really, fully give my heart to someone ever again!

I just fill sorry for the next guy that want's to attempt to "love" me he's going to have one hell of a time trying to put my heart back together! =(

Strawberry Fields...

If life were like a movie, do you think it would be eaiser? One of my favorite movies of all time is "Across the Universe" I love the thought that somehow were all connected! Not only does it have The Beatles but it's also about love!  My two favorite things combined, not to mention the fact that Jude(Jim Sturgess) and  Max(Joe Anderson) are some of the hottiest guys I think I've ever seen! There's just something about this movie the controversy and the idea of love that it just makes me in one of those sad/Happy moods, more happy than sad because it is an amazing movie and a real inspiration to me!! =)

I ate a bunch of Pickles.....

"Would you stop singing. You sound like a goat" -Britt

"Would you stop talking your giving me a headache"-Me

I love this little booger! She's my twin, and were ALWAYS fighting but we do love each other! I must say tho, for the past two years I put spending time with her on the back burnere for some asshole guy! Now I'm trying to make up the lost time by having "sister nights" at least once a week! This weeks was very interesting... trip to Ulta, Best buy and Target...

Britt-"I can smell everthing..."

Me-"Are you prego"

Britt-" ummm NO"

"Britt, what are you doing"-me

"Trying to get in the car"-Britt

"That's not my car"-me

"what, omg... Don't tell anyone that just happened"-Britt

*From our shopping trips to our ROCK BAND nights I love that Little Loser :)

Oh Friday How I love thee....

Well It's been an interesting week... From the shitty work week, to the being copied by a cute little 2 year old! haha...

*1 am in Kroger in Snellville :) after we had the wonderful bathroom incident lololololol!!!!
(some random guy at the lottery thingy)

Me-"Hey, You know if you win anything you know you have to split it with us!"
Random guy-"Oh yea, What's in it for me?"
Me-" ;) wouldn't you like to know..."
Jill-"Did that really just happen?"
Me-"yes, it sure did!"
Jill-"You obviosly forgot to put your contacts in!!!"

*Oh how I love my girl days! Meeting new people, Random "shopping" and our emo breakdowns! I love the fact that even tho she's not she is my sister, and it's amazingly wonderful to have her in my life!

"This is... MY TIME CAPSULE" -Me
"He's like a greek god...." -Me
"You don't understand, The burrito god's made this burrito"-Jill
"I think they put roofies in our Sunny D, I can't remember a thing"-ME
"UR so gay, and you don't even like boys"-Katy perry/sung by Jill all day! lol!
"I think I locked my keys in the car..... Yep sure did"- Jill
"Your a pasty white girl, you cracka"-Jimmy!!
"OMG there's no TP.. ummm there's no paper towels either... "

*I feel like if I don't write these somewhere I'll forget they ever happened!!

Emotions....

I find it hilarious that you can get all 'tore up' from a song! I hate being an emotional mess! I wish I could just be normal but I'm not! If you knew how many times on a daily basis I have nervous breakdowns from all of the stupid shit I've been through! Maybe I wear my heart on my sleeve, which is NOT a good thing because I fall fast and hard almost everytime and I ALWAYS end up getting hurt! I'm tired of it! I know that fairytales aren't real but I would like to think there is someone out there for everyone! I just wish I'd have some sign of when/where/who it's going to be! It's really starting to get frustrating and annoying!! I'm very tempted to just give up! I'm never going to have my "better" half, my Knight in shining armour, or my prince charming and I really should accept the fact but I can't!